A boy with wings, pale and flat, lay underneath the surface of the water. Metallic fish swirled around him like razorblades, slicing this way and that, drawing sharp, bloody cuts in the water.
Above the boy and the fish, the water roared by, sandpapering rocks with their rolling bellies. The hostile sky, a lightyear away, swam dark and malignant, a cancerous tumor, spreading rapidly. Multiplying cells.
There was a toadstool on the bottom. The boys toe gently scuffed it, the cap falling off in slow motion, pieces of mushroom cascading across pebbles. Floating away. To another place.
The boy with wings' hand was pinned against a rock, his fingers lean and flat, as if tacked to a bulletin board. Something fluttered inside them, consciousness awakening from a long hibernation, pale and rasping to be let out. His fingernails whispering against the rough, asking to be let free.
But she couldn't let him go, the girl perched above on the smooth stone, worn by water, fitted to her frailness like a throne. The princess of flat boys with wings. The princess of boys drowning beneath rocks. The pastel rays of light reflected off her gunmetal dress, the hem crinkled and brittle, stainless steel dripping down the sides of the rock, solid silver teardrops falling on the boys' wings. The waterline was rising. The boy was drowning. And she sat there waiting.
"I can't let you go yet." The boy with wings was under water. Swishhh swishh. He was slowly vanishing beneath the swirl of liquid, the life leaking from his toenails, purple. "I can't let you go yet." What was she waiting for?
1 comment:
Your first paragraph really draws me in. Good use of figurative language.
I see what you're saying here, but the way you're saying it doesn't work. I would re-word it, "Above the boy and the fish, the water roared by, sandpapering rocks with their rolling bellies."
"The boy(')s toe"
"The boy with wings' hand" ??
Very nice paragraph. Reminiscent of TGOST: "But she couldn't let him go, the girl perched above on the smooth stone, worn by water, fitted to her frailness like a throne. The princess of flat boys with wings. The princess of boys drowning beneath rocks. The pastel rays of light reflected off her gunmetal dress, the hem crinkled and brittle, stainless steel dripping down the sides of the rock, solid silver teardrops falling on the boys' wings. The waterline was rising. The boy was drowning. And she sat there waiting. "
Your writing is very beautiful. The story leaves me wanting more. I want to know the realationship between the boy and the girl.
This piece is currently relatively short in relation to the word max. If you want to challenge yourself in revision try to tell a little of the backstory between these two characters.
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